Dearest Mother ... A Year Later Later...

by Shoshana Tita

Time does not heal all wounds.  It has been a year since I last saw you on my wedding night.  Forty-eight hours after my wedding you were ruthlessly murdered in a Jerusalem bus bombing.  You, more than anyone else, wanted to finally see me married.  However, not a day passes in which I don't think of you.  I miss you so much.

Everything I have ever accomplished is to a large measure thanks to you. You encouraged me to excel, to help others.  You were the best judge of people and situations I have ever come across.  Your food, as one lucky guest said, had the taste of heaven. But now, without you, nothing tastes as it used to.

I find it harder to teach and write now. Sharing insights and accomplishments with you was more rewarding than all the rewards from outsiders.  You always had suggestions for sequels in mind for me.  Now I can only guess what you would have thought.

After that horrific terror attack in which the world lost you there followed many more. Each death is a traffic loss, each situation a poignant memory. A bride on the eve of her wedding along with her father exploding in a Jerusalem cafe, a nine-month pregnant woman. executed along with her four children etc. etc. I mourn for all the innocent souls in whose blood the land of Israel is soaked.  But my pain is my own intense and unique pain. I find myself thinking a lot about what really matters in life, about life after death and the resurrection of the dead. It is no longer a purely philosophical interest but a vested interest. It is a matter of the utmost urgency to me. But we as Jews know that the soul is eternal, that the soul of man is the candle of G-d as the Rambam reassures us.

Mother you have always been our backbone. All of our family, the lucky beneficiaries of your love and wisdom are doing all we can to honor your memory. Up there in Gan Eden you are watching over us and guiding us along the right path.  You would be so proud of your family.  We now get our strength from you.  Father set up a foundation in your name that has been feeding thousands of hungry families in Jerusalem.  He both teaches and supports Torah.

We are told that the Hebrew word for stone - "even" - stands for mother, daughter, and granddaughter, and also for father, son, and grandson.  We put a stone on the grave to remind us that the link between the generations will stand forever. Mother, you are forever engraved in our hearts forever with love.  We will reunite, G-d willing, in the resurrection of the dead or the coming of Moschiach. 

 

Shoshana Tita is a Judaic lecturer and the director of Torah Life Center.  She now resides with her husband in Barcelona, Spain.  Her mother was murdered in a June 11, 2003 terror attack in Jerusalem. 

Shoshanna Tita, one year ago, on her mother's muder in Jerusalem

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